Take Thumper’s Advice

If ya don’t got nothin nice to say, don’t say nothin at all.

Disclaimer: this post will be highly inappropriate to readers who find profanity offensive, I’d encourage anyone who doesn’t like that kind of language to give this one a pass. I didn’t even think to make this disclaimer until my boyfriends Mama texted about reading “Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness” and I instantly went into a panic induced cold sweat thinking about her being appalled at everything below. I don’t like to swear around his family because they’re wholesome and respectable and just all around amazing people and it seems grossly wrong to be crass around them. And my grandparents. Oh god they would make me wash my mouth out with soap after this one. Please don’t read this if you don’t like curse words or inappropriate commentary. My bad*

 

I’m one of those annoying types who’s conditioned myself into the “get the world before it gets you” mentality. It works wicked for things like going after the job you really want, taking risks in the different aspects of life, maybe trying something that terrifies the living shit out of you i.e. sky diving, horseback riding, lawn bowling, etc. But it is BRUTAL for self worth.

That nasty little double edged sword cuts deep when it comes to how you view yourself. By this I mean, making sure you find your flaws and weaknesses before someone else can draw attention to them and use them against you. I’ve always been self deprecating, and while it can be charming in some instances, it can be extremely pathetic in others. I’ve met people who have said “you are so hard on yourself, give it a break because this is sad” and those are the moments where I realize how unconsciously I tear myself apart to others. And the root of this is my grade 6 graduation from elementary school.

I was 11 years old, so excited to walk across the gymnasium floor wearing the Club Monaco kids dress that I begged Mama for, when my best guy friend (who actually to this day is still one of my fav human beings, and is such an all around solid dude <3) looked at me and asked, “Why is your bum sticking out so far?”. I was mortified! Literally didn’t understand that I had the beginnings of the Ross Booty, and I just wanted to curl up and cry.

I’m mostly kidding about that being the start of my long war against my body image, but it’s one of those things that I’ve always remembered cause it was the first time a boy said something to me that made me self conscious. Now I can’t be arsed (pun intended) to care about how much my bum sticks out of anything cause that puppy has a mind of its own. And most days I like my shape so I’ve grown to own it.

Basically this is a recap of some of the shit dudes have said over the years that made me feel bad about myself, and has kind of stoked the fire on making sure I know EVERYTHING that is less than attractive, desirable, pretty, whatever other adjectives you wanna insert that just basically make you feel like a gremlin inside and out. Pfft. Body dysmorphia is a real problem for majority of people out there, and I’ll do a different post on it cause it deserves serious attention and most of this post is making me giggle. This is just a nice photo that perfectly embodies my facial expression when I remind myself of the douchiest comments I’ve gotten.

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Maybe they were onto something though hahaha…

  • You’re gonna look way better when your teeth are finally fixed“. Well. Usually that’s the desired result when a child’s parent spends 6000$ on braces, or when they don’t wear their retainers and have to pony up another 5300$ for round two of braces themselves. Cunt. I had a MAJOR underbite when I was a kid, I’m talking full on bulldog. I got braces in grade 8 and wore them for 3 years, 3 weeks and 2 days. Second time was 13 months.  My teeth were perfect after each set so I guess he was right. But still, cunt.
  • It’s funny how most girls with big bums don’t have boobs. At least you’ve got one out of two.” HAHAHA oh my good lord, I literally got this up until February of this year. I still don’t have big boobs but I’m balanced and proportionate now so I’m happy. And no, all the douches who made this comment (there have been SO many in several different contexts and phrases) did not actually have any bearing on that. I have known since the booty was popping out of my grey Club Monaco dress that I had “speedbumps/mosquito bites/itty bitties etc”. My lower half didn’t match my upper half. I’m slightly retarded, not blind. But nonetheless, they vocalized my number one physical unhappiness. Thanks boys, you know how to make a girl feel good 😉
  • Does it bother you that all your friends are prettier than you?” LOL nope, well aware dude but thank you for the vote of confidence. I’m a realist so I know what I bring to the table, in good and bad equally, and it has never bothered me that my friends are 9’s and 10’s or over and I can scrape by with like a solid 7 when I put my makeup collection to use and actually brush my hair. I’m cool with it. Nothing but love for all my beautiful friends, and this comment actually came from a guy who suffered a rough fight with puberty *cough*acne scars*cough* which I never commented on, cause he was still attractive to me and the scars made him more so. I like flaws. But he also used to shave his balls over the toilet WITH THE COVER UP AND THE SEAT DOWN for christ sakes and never cleaned them up. After a couple months of staying there I got super sick of either having to clean the toilet while desperately having to pee or having sat down unknowingly and cursing him and his wiry gift to my thighs. So I may be the ugly duckling of the crews I flock with, but at least I have good manners and was smart enough to pack that one up. Bullet dodged with my less than stellar looks 0:)
  • You’re a pretty girl until you open your mouth.” Numerous guys have told me this over the years. Including my favourite teacher in high school. Mr Kuchler yelled this at me in front of the class because I swore too much… I still do. Most dudes mean it because I say what’s on my mind and I’m blunt. And I also don’t take shit so when you’re acting like a knob I’ll go right ahead and tell you. Or if I think you’re being a bag licker, I’ll ask if you tickle as you bob. Precious I know, and they’re correct. I’m vulgar and gutteral and probably better off with my mouth shut. Ain’t happenin though suckas.
  • You would be so pretty if you didn’t get fat, get back to the size you were before and you could be a model.” So after high school I had an awful heart break, got fat, and it wasn’t until I actually got happy again years later that the weight melted off. I’d tried Atkins and started running, went to the gym and watched what I ate. I was about 30 lbs heavier than I am right now which is a lot on my frame, and about 45 lbs heavier than I was in high school which is what buddy was referencing. Went for a coffee with a guy I had “talked to” in high school and actually had it pretty bad for back then, and this is what he came up with. It was SO rude and uncalled for, and really threw me for a loop. He meant it in a nice way I guess? Either way I felt like shit and to this day still feel uncomfortable about how I looked.
  • Smokers are so unattractive, you should quit. You’d have an easier time finding someone to date if you didn’t stink all the time.” Hahahahahaha fuck off.
  • Why do you dye your hair weird colours? Aren’t you worried you’re scaring guys off? I wouldn’t want to date a woman with purple/blue/green hair.” Well seeing as I give a flying fuck about if a guy likes me with brown hair vs blue vs green vs fucking bald if I wanna be, I’ll go straight home and google “What colour hair will land me a superficial douchebag ASAP”. If my guy doesn’t like me looking like Marge Simpson from time to time, he’s barking up the wrong tree. I get bored hella easily and I thrive on change, so if he’s that cuntish and judgemental, chances are I’m gonna get bored of him faster than my current ‘do.

 

That’s a couple of the big ones off the top of my head. I laugh at all of them cause it’s actually funny. I have gotten over each slight and backhanded compliment, and have grown into someone who is super confident with who I am. I’m not always confident with how I look, but that doesn’t come from how someone else views me. I’m good with who I am, and actually proud of myself for the most part. And most of all I’m so grateful I don’t have to deal with these whiners anymore 🙂 By being myself and rocking my flaws and strengths all in one, I found a guy who loves me for me and thinks I look great however I am. And yes, he’s an ass man 😉

4 thoughts on “Take Thumper’s Advice

  1. Thanks for another good read girls can say the darnest most hateful things also. Take everything like tequila with salt and a lemon and a middle finger. You’re beautiful xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So true actually, people can be awful. Maybe I’ll do a mean girls post one of these days cause there’s def a ton of responses I have for all the catty remarks over the years 😉❤️ I love your advice and I’ll do it Steph style in proper tequila fashion. You’re gorgeous xo

      Like

  2. Ha ha ha ha ha. I love you so much. Those people who say those things are total arseholes and don’t deserve one second of your time or energy. I look at you and all I see is an amazing and beautiful woman. And before that, it was an amazing and beautiful girl. You’re the whole package – smart, beautiful, funny, spunky. Never change, sweetheart. (Except the smoking, but I’m saying that as your mom).

    Liked by 1 person

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