Writing has always been very cathartic for me. I deem myself pretty competent with spoken word, and Ma always told me I have the “gift of gab” but written word seems to flow from my inner core. I start writing in a stream of conscience and things just pour out from the deepest recesses of myself. I love writing. I don’t even particularly care what form it comes out in. Some days my words form from the sassy, funny, open side of my being. Some days it bleeds through from my deepest, darkest, most painful pieces. And some days it just comes from such gratitude and optimism and feeling of contentment. Today is a blessed happy day.
I have had such a good day from start to finish that I wish I could bottle it up and stick it on my computer desk shelf. Pull it out and feel it and smell it and relive it when I have one of my tougher days. There was nothing monumentous that happened today. I didn’t win the lottery. I didn’t win a sweepstake. I didn’t graduate a program or get engaged or rekindle a relationship of days long past. It was just a day. But my god, it was such a good day. I’ve decided to blog about it so that when my next bout of anxiety comes, or I’m crippled by self-doubt or insecurities, I can reread this silly little summary of my simple day, and maybe latch on to one or two of the fleeting moments that have just made me feel so tranquil and uplifted today. I have found that for the past two years I have more days of sadness than happiness. I’m more burdened by a heavy heart than free and grateful. I focus more on the past and present and less on how good my future can be. Basically, I’ve been traipsing in and out from my dark side of the moon, so when I feel the sunlight in my head it is marvellous.
I woke up at 7 when my boyfriend got up. We usually wake up and get up together; I’m a very light sleeper so most times when I feel him wake up, I rise with him. Today he got out of bed and went to start coffee as usual. I closed my eyes, rolled over, and laid in a semi-alert state. He came in to tell me coffee was ready, kissed my forehead, I mumbled something incoherent with a smile on my face, and passed back out like a rock. I woke up again at 830 feeling refreshed and energized. Something that happens SO rarely these days. I’m constantly fatigued and never feel like I’ve gotten a restful sleep. It was a welcome rarity to actually want to roll out of bed and take on the world.
I checked my email with my coffee and saw something from a consulting firm on LinkedIn. The company has some present opportunities for millwrights and asked if I was interested, and if so I should send a current resume. I’ve been laid off for several weeks now, and have a weak promise of returning to work in the end of January so any job leads are helpful right now. My computer got malware a few weeks back, and in order to clear it, the shop I took it to had to completely wipe my hard drive and I’ve been starting over brand new. The only thing I actually remembered to back up onto a USB was my business plan, so I’ve lost all my programs, documents, photos, passwords, etc. I had to rewrite my resume today, and instead of feeling morose and upset about it, I sucked it up and revamped it. I felt very accomplished after replying to the email and submitting my newest resume. I then decided to take my productivity a step further and downloaded Norton Anti-Virus, and plugged in my never-before-used external hard drive. I backed my computer up, ran a software sweep and clean, and felt pretty darn good.
As I was going to hop in the shower following this, my boyfriend brought me in my mail. It was a Christmas card from my oldest friend in the world. It was so unexpected and sweet, and added to the awesome morning I was having. Funnily enough, I sent her one about a week ago too. She’s in Florida for the holidays so I doubt she’ll receive hers this week but it was kind of funny to send one and receive one unexpectedly. I am a huge card person, and that’s about the only thing I enjoy getting from people so it meant a lot. And actually, the other day I got one from another friend from back east, and she said the sweetest and simplest words that made a huge impact on me. She said “To my friend across the country! Thank you for always putting a smile on my face with your ‘witty’ posts and words of kindness and wisdom. We hope you have a fantastic, Merry Christmas and a beautiful New Year.” It never dawned on me that the things I post on social media are taken at anything more than face value by anyone. It meant a tremendous amount to me that this friend I haven’t seen in years took the time to write me some kind words and send a little bit of love 6000+ km across the country. If you read this Wendy, you are an absolute darling and I hope my words continue to make you smile 🙂 ❤
So, I had a happy morning and even managed to get our sheets into the washer before leaving the house. I decided to head to Nanaimo to finish Christmas shopping and pick up some fabric for a doll my Mama wants me to make her. The last time I went to Nanaimo I was so irritated by traffic and idiots and construction that I felt the need to begin my series on modern etiquette. So I was fully prepared for another 40 minute wait around the lake each way, and for all the stupid drivers and inconsiderate jerks that always seem to gravitate towards me. But there was no construction today. None! I couldn’t believe my luck. It added an extra boost to my already jubilant mood. I made it to Nanaimo in record time, without speeding or swearing or hating every other vehicle on the roadway. I know, this is the day I should have bought a lottery ticket. The mall was a complete horror show as to be expected a week out from Christmas, but in all honesty I found myself cheerful walking through the crowds. I think it was because everyone just seemed so happy to be out spending their energy on what they think will make their loved ones happy. I’m a grinch, I’ll do a separate blog on why I hate Christmas, but I refuse to detract from my incredible day by delving into it right now. Suffice it to say that I think the meaning is lost on people overextending on one day a year, when the true meaning isn’t what you give or receive. But I overheard a woman and her boyfriend exclaiming how perfect a picture frame they found was for her brother, because it also represents what he’s working towards. That made me swell up a little, seeing a stranger be so completely engrossed in a simple gesture with SO much meaning behind it. I loved that moment. I left Nanaimo as good as I came, even after a multitude of stores and stops and masses of people.
I called hubby on the drive home to see what he wanted for dins. He said it was completely up to me as he’d had a decent lunch and wasn’t hungry. I’ve been eating a lot of shit food for convenience and laziness sake so I instantly didn’t want to eat out. I’ve been craving Greek food and saw a box of Stove Top Stuffing in our cupboard two days ago, so I decided to make a Greek marinated/stuffing crusted chicken concoction. I really wanted delicious lemon roasted potatoes like you would get in a restaurant so when I got to the grocery store I googled a recipe and set to work finding the ingredients. I made a traditional Greek salad dressing that I found a recipe for a few years back and love. I spent 3 hours total making our dins, and listened to a YouTuber a friend of mine recently referred me to. He’s an extremely successful motivational speaker, and one of the hardest working people I’ve heard of. I’ve been finding him a great source of inspiration and it was the perfect pairing for my culinary expedition. The food was spectacular if I do say so myself 😉 We ate every last bite, and actually felt good being full. It wasn’t processed food, or greasy or guilt-inducing. It was fresh and flavourful and just what the doctor ordered.
When I had everything else ready and was just waiting for the chicken to finish baking, I realized I needed to put our sheets on the bed if we had any hopes of fresh linens before we crawl into our room tonight exhausted. I discovered hubby had made the bed!!! Like whole kit and caboodle, grabbed the sheets from the dryer and fluffed the pillow top and put it all together. It meant more to me than it probably should, but I always notice the little things and they always mean the most to me. Good and bad. This was just so sweet and helpful, and I have no qualms about being the cleaner in our relationship. I do his laundry majority of the time because I actually enjoy it. I get satisfaction from helping him with a mundane task he’d rather not do. To have him return the gesture on a day where I was busy from start to finish was just wicked. I am so grateful I could explode.
And to finish the wicked day, my brother texted me about a man I used to work with at the Shipyards. The former coworker is one of the sweetest people I’ve met, so genuine and hard working, funny and positive, and was just always a pleasure to work with. He goes climbing at the gym my brother works for, and they got on the topic of the Shipyard potluck coming up. My brother asked if the Yard was still giving out turkey chits, and my former coworker asked how he knew that. They got on the topic of me, and this guy had such nice things to say about me even several years after working together. I was so flattered by his opinion of me, and the fact that it made my little brother proud to be associated with me.
I often think about how I affect people. I hope that even though I wouldn’t have a large turnout for my funeral if I kicked the bucket tomorrow, the people who did show up would have mostly good to say. That they would have good memories of me and be able to take something from our relationship – whatever that may be, regardless of how close or distance we are – and look back fondly on our time together. I want to leave a positive impact on the people whose lives I touch. I want people to remember me with respect, and mostly I just want to make the people around me feel good. I haven’t always done that but my hope and goal is that most, if not all, of the people in my life take comfort in knowing me and would be sad to see me go. And I try to be polite to strangers (minus the road rage ha ha), use good manners and hold doors, compliment people when there is something that comes to mind, and just smile. I do think you attract the energy you put out, and I try to be mindful of what I project. One thing can make or break a person’s day, so if I can be nice to someone maybe that will be just the thing they need to turn around an awful day, or to add to their already good day. Overthinking I know, but I just wonder how I affect people and I aim to do so well.
Now I’m enjoying a little whiskey and Coke, gonna curl up in front of our first Christmas tree together and first in our house, maybe throw on a movie and just bask in the lingering glory of what an awesome day I had. Wanted to share my uneventful, normal, busy day but with the knowledge that some days are golden without needing any extra sparkle. I’m enjoying my really good day because I’ve had a lot of really not good days recently, and it all balances out. And I’m so much more grateful for my elation today because of the darker days I experience. We can’t control the weather, we can just appreciate the sun when it comes back around ❤