I have been feeling very antsy and restless being solo at home this past week so here is my first brain dump of the new year. Don’t get me wrong, I love our house. It just somehow feels less like home when I’m alone. We’re in the process of remodelling the basement which is super exciting and I even finished creating my new “craft room/home office”. So we’ve been continuously working on home improvements since we moved in, putting our personalities into our space. But it’s empty and I’m bored bored bored without my love taking up half the space. It just isn’t the same. I’m almost starting to look forward to my short return to work next week.
I have been trying to use my journals consistently, and have been doing pretty well so far. I’ve got a ton of them, so I have one for fitness, one for habits and personal tracking, one for business, and several beautiful blank ones to take up where the others leave off once they’re filled. I’ve started using a desk top planner as well. I have also created and adopted a new mind frame for this year. I want to focus on Growth & Repair. In all aspects of my life. I’ll explain where this came from and how I’m aiming to do so.
I spent Christmas break with hubby pretty much busy the whole time. The only day we allowed ourselves full permission to be lazy and do sweet nothing was New Years Day. That’s also because we had a good NYE and our livers were overloaded and our bodies couldn’t move from the couch aside from getting food or water. But seriously we worked non stop on the house, getting Christmas gifts done and cards filled and packages mailed, then loads of family time for food and celebration. Our month off together flew by and I realized how drained I was. I mentioned my lack of inspiration to do anything at all to my Mama, and she told me “Sometimes doing nothing is the most productive thing you can do for yourself.” She was bang on. I wind up feeling so guilty when I have a day where I just don’t want to do anything; don’t wanna get out of my jammies, don’t want to cook, don’t want to see anyone or go anywhere or do anything. I feel guilty when I just wanna be lazy. Because I know there is always something I could be doing, should be doing. It’s easy to get burned out though. And after the hectic holiday season, people like myself need to just hole up and be selfish and do nothing. I took Mama’s advice and it felt SO GOOD! I had forgotten how glorious it is to just lounge around without any plans or pressing to-do lists, not getting up to an alarm or having projects to tackle. I have now made it a point to enjoy time spent recharging, however that winds up looking. Sometimes it’s sitting on the couch binge watching a show I like. Sometimes it’s crawling into bed and reading until I nap a little. Sometimes it’s sitting and playing Cookie Run on my phone for an hour. It truly makes a huge difference when you give yourself permission to shut off for a bit.
Which brings me to my new balancing act of growth & repair. I have been struggling to get back into a gym routine at home. I pay for a membership that neither hubby or I have been using. But I just haven’t found enough motivation to make use of it. I sat down and started watching some of the YouTubers I love who are consistent with fitness, and figured I would glean a little inspo from one of them. A point that they all make at one time or another is rest days, and allowing your body time to repair from the workouts and muscle growth activated with weight training. It made me think that I could apply that ideology of growth and repair to everything I want to do in life. It’s perfect. I have certain goals which I know I will work on this year, and will allow me to grow my financial situation. I have goals which will allow me to grow my creative nature and help me on my road to health and happiness mentally. I have goals that will allow me to get my body healthy again. Those are all growth for me. They are things that will make me feel better/do better/be a better version of myself. I miss being happy and healthy inside out. On the flip side, I need to take care of myself and balance out the growth with repairing myself. I have goals which will help me repair my finances, like budgeting. I have goals which will help me repair my mind frame by allowing me time to just be such as reading, napping, playing my game. Goals that will repair my mind frame by allowing me to get the mess in my brain out into words like blogging and using my copious amounts of journals. I have goals which will help me repair my body such as stretching more and quitting smoking. Good god I need to quit smoking.
(Side note; I finished reading Allen Carr’s EasyWay yesterday and actually stopped smoking for 23 hours! If you’ve never smoked that doesn’t sound like a lot, but as a pack a day smoker I can assure you it felt awesome and was a good chunk of time. When I lit my first smoke after the period of abstinence I was SO disappointed in myself, I was almost a day into recovery. But after a pep talk from my Mama and hubby, I am happy that I was able to stop smoking for almost a day. Next time it will be longer, and eventually I will be a non smoker indefinitely. One step at a time and one small victory for my charred lungs right? I’m gonna re read the book and try harder to get my mind right for the next cessation. If anyone reading this has any advice on how to kick the mental road block, please leave it in the comments cause I am happy to hear about any successful methods or tricks. It’s not the physical act that gets me, it’s the mind games.)
Basically it comes down to my usual resolution of finding or creating balance. The never ending road to personal enlightenment and fulfillment which is also ever-changing with us. But instead of being vague I have written down which aspects I attribute to which part of the balancing I’m working on. Everything can go into one or the other. Either it’s growing me or it’s repairing me. Both are necessary for achieving the things I want and need, and are equally important. I also wrote down my major short term and long term goals and pinned them on one of my bulletin boards to read every day. I watched a spiel Damond John made on Instagram last week, and he mentioned the fact that every morning he reads his personal goals to start his day off on that positive track, jumps on the treadmill and walks while sending emails. He doesn’t reply to any, he is purely on offence. After he’s finished that he decides to get into the defence mode and reply. I love that. I appreciate his routine and why he does things the way he does. I like to start my mornings off either with coffee and scrolling through apps which entertain me and make me happy, or by going for a run. Either way, those things both start my day off well and put me into a good head space. Now I have my goals written out and can peep them while I wait for the coffee to brew, or while I’m sipping my pre-workout. It’s a good reminder of why I will be pursuing the things I am this year, what areas I don’t wish to carry into my new year, and what the most important things are for me to get back to being good.
Happy 2K18 to everyone, I hope you find whatever pieces you need to create the life you want and deserve to live. I hope you find whatever you need to promote Growth & Repair for yourself as well. Thanks for reading my prattling mental declutter, sometimes I need to just blurt whatever comes to mind with no real purpose. Cheers to another year of cupcakes and crankshafts 🙂 ❤